The Rhythm of Our Days

A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…

I came into the kitchen the other day to find my oldest, “operating” on a tomato….

listening to: Opera Babes, Holst’s The planets

watching: How Green Was My Valley

wishing we had extra funds for: movie tickets to see the new Harry movie

at the table: new painless learning placemats on states, dinosaurs, and presidents

in the evenings: grammar, copywork, reading, and spelling with Dad

finished: the summer program at the tutoring center across the street. They had a folk dancing performance and art display.

planning: rocket project for scouts, release of newest Harry book

I have no idea why I chose that title…only that our summer seems to have fallen into the kind of groove given to whistling and humming little ditties.

Over this weekend we doubled our garden. More work was done on the treehouse, after Firstborn got ahold of some pallet wood.  Sunshine  created a  CD cover for her girl-band with a friend,  The Strawberry Blondes. Evenings were filled with latin and spanish with dad with a little grammar and spelling tossed in.  The two oldest packed for camp and are now gone: Firstborn off to  a week of boyscout camp and Sunshine  in North Carolina for Orthodox camp.

W is happily looking forward to having his parents “all mine”, as he says, knowing he’ll have to share with R.K but that it’s no big deal….they’ll just pile on the bed in the morning and snuggle. This week we’ll pick squash and green beans from the garden; maybe we’ll have tomatoes by the next.  The summer program across the street continues with folk dancing and art and stories. It seems a perfect week for a raspberry pie and some lemonade.

powerful word, that one. I’ve been thinking about it, after having been called one. When we call someone a “liar” , what are we saying about their words…

that we’ve already decided their merit? That they are untrue? What if we have not listened to both their words and the meaning behind them? Are we qualified to then say what they say are not true? If we haven’t listened, but rather just decide from the outset that we don’t agree, don’t care to explore, and would rather it all just go away, have we validated that person and their position? What if we’ve listened through a “filter” of sorts that isn’t listening at all, with our reply ready to go as soon as they shut their mouth?
Does it take our agreement with something to make it true? I, for one, don’t think so. But I’ve come across this idea before. So man-centered and egotistical are some aspects of our culture that they simply do not believe in the truth of anything unless they agree with or have experienced it themselves. If they’ve decided it’s one way, then evidence and testimony to the contrary will not sway them. Close-minded and hard-hearted, they are not open to true dialog on any level…only diatribe.
I’ve also been thinking about what kind of parents this makes those who behave this way. A little child can have a small voice. They are easily dismissed by parents pushing their own agendas. In our world this hits every extreme, from the child’s very life in the womb to how we dress them and how they are taught (or not). When a child believes something we know not to be true, how helpful is it to just dismiss what they are thinking and feeling by stating how false it is? Or that they are silly? It is real to them and the very best parents, I think, validate their reality in a respectful way. They may still address the actual truth of the matter…. (remember Mr. Rodgers and his reminder that we will not go down the drain in the tub? It stands out in memory because he honestly and directly spoke the truth of something while still very respectfully honoring a child’s belief in something else).
I am not “spreading lies” just because the hearer happens to either disagree or doesn’t want to hear it. Truth vs. Falsehood is decided by other criteria. Even if it’s not HER truth, it is mine and hers is also her own. I can validate her truth without agreeing with it.

I’ve seen adults act this way in a variety of situations. Scoffing. Dismissive. Defensive. Not responsive to another’s reality at all. Tangling up the issue. Going of on tangents. How long do people stay friends, or even just in the company, of someone who treats them this way?

And so….maybe it helps me to think of this person as a little child. She believes something. Namely, that I am a liar that wishes she would stop unschooling. That I came on her list as a hit-and-run commenter out to insult her listmates.

Okay. I validate that this is HER truth. Being the other side of it, I can only offer what I see as MY truth:

• I joined her list looking for true dialog and encourgement; a renewed inspiration for strewing and ideas in my home. Knowing dialog can’t happen with lurking, and having lurked for many years prior, I felt comfortable jumping in with a question. When this question was poorly worded (my fault) and thus interpreted as an insult, I apologized both on the list and in private. I received no response from the list and only scolding (not an acceptance) from the list owner. When I joined, I had no intention of leaving…so I can not agree that I was a “hit and run” commenter. I have since found what I was looking for, in a kinder spirit, on other lists. I prefer to “live and let live” and so that particular list was left to allow those there to do as they preferred…not to run away.
• She says I am lying to say she moderated and ignored my comments. This one is pure, evidential fact. One email says, “I am moderating this because it sounds snarky….”. I have emails I sent with apologies and attempts to clarify that received no responses. She wanted to drop it at the time, saying it was a distraction. I respected that by stopping my email efforts and by clearing the majority of the conversation from my inbox. I also left her list. But the truth of this one remains; I think it’s up to her to admit that, in her own time, in her own way.
• Lastly, I don’t wish she would quit unschooling. I don’t wish she would stop providing resources or sharing her experience. I do, however, wish that in pursuit of presenting a “pure” form of unschooling, she would be more polite and respectful to those who have intelligently chosen another way. This would require more benefit-of-the-doubt on her part…the poster may have landed on her site mistakenly, with a misunderstanding, or out of true curiousity to grow, and a real nurturing environment will allow for that. Her co-leaders manage this quite well. In the call to please respect those inquiring on her list, I do not understand how I give the impression that I would rather she quit her unschooling efforts. I invite her to explain this point; I am willing to listen to her viewpoint and perhaps continue the original discussion to the point of mutual understanding. Without it, I see too great a glaring difference between her personal interaction and what she presents on her website to find her credible.

A disagreement between adults ought to be addressable without the use of words like “snarky” and “liar”. Where there is respect, there will not be name-calling. As unschooling itself is built on respect and trust, I’d expect it’s loudest spokesperson to emulate this…wouldn’t you?

Firstborn and his Godfather.

W with his bamboo rod.

What was lame-o about this is that my batteries died at the fishing pond; after this we went to a river with lush greenery and shade all around where the boys caught Blue Gill. It was a perfectly serene and picturesque vision and all I got was the muddy pond….at least memories are golden!

Spammers love this  blog.  Need to clean up the comments methinks.

Sunshine is at a friend’s for half of this week so she can attend AHG camp. And W is splitting time between two other friends’ homes so he can attend scout day camp. Blessing to my village….I couldn’t do it without them!

Firstborn and I have been busy…yesterday I taught him to make banana chocolate chip muffins and frittata. He also prepared fresh green beans. Today we worked in the garden; he transplanted ferns, planted some elephant ears, and helped me prepare a new bed. I hope we’ll get in a game of Yatzee this afternoon and maybe read a little too: he’s reading  the last Harry book on his own time and The First Four Years for his math book with me.

R.K…misses his bubbie and sissie and can actually say their names now. Has given up on potty learning. Fell and smacked his forehead on the planter below the front porch yesterday. Loves his new bouncy horse and tricycle. Wants his own garden hoe. Can count to 2 in english and spanish, and knows “red” and “blue” in both languages too.

Firstborn: finished Dear Mr. Henshaw aloud with me. We worked on the suggested activities in the Math & Stories book  we’ve been working with: predictions, estimation, and graphing. He’s reading  The Goblet of Fire again. He played on the computer quite a bit today and has started a “password journal” for his games. Made the mashed potatoes for dinner and spent much time on the swings this morning; roller blades this afternoon “thinking”.

Sunshine: off with a friend this afternoon. This morning we read “Anno’s Magic Seeds” and did the activities in the Math and Stories book; one on story problems and one on madlib-esque story creation. She also had some computer game time this morning and rode her skateboard for awhile. She’s gotten a lot more physically active now that it’s warm.

W: we read One Fine Day and did the Math and Stories activities: cuisinaire rod comparison. He played “Fate” on the computer, hide and seek with RK, and painted. We read several chapters of The Year of Miss Agnes.

R.K: fine tuning his use of the word, “NnnnnnnnnnnOh!” Has decided he’d rather not poop in the potty just yet so it’s back to diapers. Wants to “baby bye-bye papa eat”, which tranlated means, “I want to go see papa and eat with him”. Knows the colors blue and yellow in english and red in spanish. I guess “rojo” is just easier to say than red?

Had a good talk with the leader of the homeschool tutoring center here today. She’s a graduate of a college we’re interested in, Berea, and she knows little “pockets” of people out here that are not from here and are cultured/lonely. The plan is to get us all together somehow and I have to say it was brighter spot in this situation than I’ve seen in a long time!

This is just a little personal freewrite, on a blog I keep for my own purposes, but let others read because some find that interesting.

I will no longer use the word “unschooling” to define anything my family does. Why?

It’s not because I don’t think we don’t do it. It’s not because I don’t think we haven’t been changed for the better for having implemented what we could from it. It’s not because I think it’s a “bad” word. It’s not because I”m not strong enough to deal with such a loaded word.

It’s because the Unschooling Dominatrix uses it as a baton to bash other people with. I don’t want to be associated with that.

It’s because her cronies, other purists, think I’m not valid as an unschooler. Why give another fodder for judgment on something that is not their business? It’s the equivalent of casting pearls before swine.

It’s because even though my children LIKE to read stories from old textbooks like McGuffey and work through certain workbooks, I’ve been told that having these things in my home mean I “don’t get it”.

It’s because rather than seen as a way to equip and empower my children for their future goals, the way I “unschool” is seen as phony, fake, damaging, and neglectful.
It’s because militant unschoolers are unwilling to explore ideas that may be different than the ones they’ve experienced. For instance: some children NEED, not just want, 3 healthy meals a day that didn’t come from a cardboard box. some children NEED an orderly environment so that they can concentrate best. some children NEED time on their own without Mommy playing with them every gosh-blessed moment of the day. But to these militants? If I’m washing dishes, cooking food, cleaning the house, or doing anything but sit on the floor and playing, I’m not only not unschooling, I’m neglecting my children’s “needs”.

So if all of that is unschooling, then I am not it. If it’s superior to be kind to others, listen to different ways things work for different people, be patient while others work out places in their journeys just as we all have to, then I value that, and if that means I’m “acting superior” then sobeit. I’d take that rather than the alternative they offer.

Do I sound burned? Yes. It’s smarts. Curious term, “it smarts”. It both has hurt and has taught at the same time. There is no need to wish thinkers like that should “take” me.